I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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