I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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