I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize