I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
