If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
