living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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