Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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