Operation Purity has been aborted
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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