If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
