onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
