why didn't you poke me back
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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