Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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