You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
