Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
