I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
