when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize