Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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