she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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