the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
