Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
