Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize