if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
