So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
