i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
