Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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