I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
His hands were made for my vagina.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
