he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
