my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
