I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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