So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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