I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
