You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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