tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
