fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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