I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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