hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
