did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
