I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
