I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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