4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
