I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
