I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
