For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
