ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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