Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
