I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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