so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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