Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
