I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
