Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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