I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
