I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
