the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
