i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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