we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
