I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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