I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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