you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
