The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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