I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
