the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
