actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
