so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Randomize
