if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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