just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
