I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's JV to your varsity
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
