glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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