Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
