Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
