Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
