talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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