she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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