There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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