Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
