They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
