There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
