im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
