Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize