Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
