i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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